The Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide (Part 2: Can Mommy and Non-Mommy be friends?)

Struggling with own my feelings over the Mommy and Non-Mommy Divide, I asked over a dozen of my girlfriends to weigh in...  with some interesting revelations!  Here's Part 2 in this blog mini-series.

Part 2: Can Mommy and Non-Mommy be friends?

I've heard the term "bros before hoes", but you'll never hear "ladies over babies"!

As I mentioned in Part 1, what bothers me most is not the kids, but what happens to the relationships between Mommy and Non-Mommy friends... how friends who used to enjoy a girls' night out together turn into complete strangers, even frenemies, as we navigate this invisible Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide.

Most of the women who responded felt that friendships had changed, if not ended, once someone in the relationship became a Mommy while another was not.  In many cases, the "phasing out" was similar to what happened to Becca, a newly married gal who doesn't have kids yet: "It's happened with my friends who've had children and we just don't hang out anymore, though it doesn't seem like any specific thing happened... we would make time for coffee dates in the beginning and they just got fewer and farther in between."

The Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide (Part 1: Does it exist?)

With news stories about the "no-kids-allowed" movement spreading across the country as restaurants and even airlines discuss banning children from their services, I'm personally torn over how I should feel about it.  As a single, working woman with no plan for kids in sight, I admit I occasionally cringe when my Mommy friends post comments to their Facebook/Twitter/blogs about "poopies", from the delivery room about centimeters dilated, detailed breastfeeding stories, etc...  but I still value their experience and expertise and have learned an incredible amount from them about the art of parenting.  I love my friends' kids, and while I don't think all babies are as cute/perfect/amazing as their parents do, I appreciate them for the tiny humans that they are... even though sometimes those tiny humans act like jerks.

What bothers me most is not the kids, but what happens to the relationships between Mommy and Non-Mommy friends... how friends who used to enjoy a girls' night out together turn into complete strangers, even frenemies, as we navigate this invisible Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide.

It's hard not to see it as an 'us vs. them' as we all have to share the same planet.

I want kids someday, whether on my own or via adoption.  I love my financial freedom and going to movies/vacations/nice restaurants!  I'm not ready to give up my sleep to clean up another person's poo!  I want to live my single Sex & the City life, not Sesame Street.  But I LOVE kids.  I've spent so much on baby gifts for friends that I've apparently been put on mailing lists for baby magazines and formula samples.  I babysit for free for my friends (including changing diapers!), just to give them a few hours of respite or time with their spouse.  I have to stop myself from purchasing a trousseau of baby clothing because I love its adorableness.

So what's a a girl to do, as I navigate this touchy issue?

I reached out to over a dozen of my girlfriends, women from all walks of life, Mommies and Non-Mommies, to ask some questions about all of this madness... here are some of the responses, and what I gleaned from them.  I changed all names for the privacy of the ladies; these comments are meant to spark dialogue, not offend!  I got more responses than I could use, but I think it's a good representation of different people, responding honestly and openly about their feelings.

Part 1:  Does it exist?

Is there a Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide?  I think there is, or at least many of us perceive one.  Once you become a mother, you are a part of this collective of womanhood, the Mommy Club, bringing a new life into the world like countless before you.  It really is remarkable... but what happens if that isn't your ambition, or if you have friends who don't share in your love of mothering?  Should you be shunned/pitied by the Mommies, or abandon your Non-Mommy friends?  I do think there's a divide, because there is such heated debate over the issue of children on planes/in restaurants, openly breastfeeding, vaccinations, etc.  When the parenting comes into the public domain, that's when things heat up.

Jewelry GIVEAWAY!

It's about time I did another giveaway, right?  My awesome friend Sophie handmade a set of robin's egg nest earrings and pendant for me as a perk to all of you for reading my blog and supporting her efforts to raise money for veterans' charities!

The photo doesn't do it justice... in fact, I waited a while to offer this as a giveaway because I was secretly regretting I hadn't just told her I wanted them for myself!

Who wouldn't want this beautiful set to add to their collection?  I could see wearing this with jeans or a dress... the earrings on their own are gorgeous too.

The odds are always good for winning on this blog!  Here's how to enter.

TO ENTER:

- Mandatory: Leave me a comment letting me know why receiving this giveaway in the mail would make your day!

ADDITIONAL ENTRIES:

(leave an additional comment for each!)
- Mention this giveaway on your blog
- Follow me on Twitter and RT this giveaway! – @aubreyland325
- Follow Adventures in Aubreyland on Google Friend Connect
- “Like” Adventures in Aubreyland on Facebook

Contest ends on Thursday, August 11th at 11:59pm EST and is only open to residents of the United States.  Good luck!