Kenny's 2nd Birthday

 Kenny is almost three years old, but I never shared how we celebrated his 2nd birthday in early 2020!

Like so many toddlers, Kenny was a fan of Baby Shark.  So when it came time for his birthday, I decided to make a Baby Shark cake to celebrate!  At the time, Kenny couldn't get enough blueberries in his belly, so I made a lemon blueberry flavored cake with buttercream frosting.  I used some plastic pieces from a cake decorating kit I found on clearance at Target to make the fins.

We got Baby Shark balloons from a local party store, and we had cake and presents at my parents' house since we had just moved to Indiana the weekend prior.  His favorite gifts were his stuffed WALL-E and EVE toys from the Pixar movie.

Kenny was also able to celebrate with his daycare friends before we moved.  I sent mini cupcakes to the daycare, and he wore his Baby Shark shirt.  I didn't post photos here because of privacy for the other littles in his class, but I think he enjoyed his birthday celebration.

And now, due to the pandemic, we will likely celebrate in this small fashion again for Kenny's 3rd birthday in January!  It's tradition for us to do a big 1st birthday, but other than that I think we may wait until he is kindergarten age to do a party.  These mini family gatherings are much less stress and expense, and the memories are just as sweet.

Kenny's 1st Birthday Party 돌

I'm going to be honest with you... I never thought I'd throw a big 1st birthday party for my kid.  But then, when I was pregnant, I was discussing with my Mom how it might be nice to give Kenny a traditional Korean first birthday celebration (call a dol or 돌), even if it was just close family.  My wonderful relatives in Korea gifted us a beautiful traditional outfit (called hanbok) for him to wear, and our minds were made up... we'd be having a party!

For the party, we decorated a table with a lot of symbolic elements.  A traditional table for a dol celebration includes a number of elements, but in general, it represents hope for a bountiful future.  For Kenny's table, we had food to represent abundance, color to represent a bright and vivid future, and circles for generosity and life without hardship.  My Mom made sure that there were odd numbers (lucky!) of fruit and lots of homemade rice cakes.  I made his birthday cake and ordered decorations and party gear online.  My Mom, sister, and I made bean towers with Kenny's name spelled in Korean script and "Happy Dol".  These cost like $200-300 on Etsy, so we DIYed them ourselves for like $25.

More than 50 friends and family from six states joined us for Kenny's party, which included traditional Korean first birthday elements including a doljabi (돌잡이).

The highlight of the Korean dol (돌) is a custom called the doljabi (돌잡이) where the child is placed in front of a tray of objects and encouraged to pick one. It is believed the object the child selects will foretell the child's future.  We also had a raffle where guests could guest which object Kenny would pick, and the winner would get a Korean children's book.

Kenny picked a medallion, which symbolizes "high position" in life, such as political figure or other achievements.  He grabbed the ball next (athleticism), and then the yarn (long life).

For food, we had both American and Korean dishes, but the Korean food was a big hit!  We had bulgogi, japchae, and bibimbap from Soy Bistro.  I wish I'd taken photos, but it was so delicious it was devoured before I remembered!

We also had family portraits and party photos captured by our friend Steve Cross, who has captured so many special memories of our family's life.  Dan's mother, my parents, and my sister were a huge part of the weekend too, making the party run as smoothly as possible along with Dan and me.

That said, I think next year for his 2nd birthday, we'll just do a little cake at home and maybe something fun as a little family.  I love the Korean tradition of a big 1st birthday as something truly special to cap off that first year in the world.  He'll have a party again someday, maybe when he's old enough to ask for one!

Flying with Baby

This summer, Kenny embarked on not one, but TWO air travel weekend trips!  He actually got to visit the West Coast and the East Coast in the same month.  I had already planned to fly to Los Angeles for a long weekend, to visit my grandparents.  My grandmother had a stroke back in May, and my grandfather is in his 90s.  I didn't plan on taking Kenny, but my grandfather asked and asked and asked... so finally Dan and I decided that maybe I should, so Kenny could meet his only living great-grandparents.

LAX, baby!

Overall, Kenny did really well!  I think my biggest fear was a blowout in-flight, but thankfully that didn't happen.  I changed him into a nighttime diaper right before flying, and he did great.  I checked his carseat (using this bag) and our suitcase (which included some homemade baby food and frozen breastmilk, using my previous travel method for transport).  I carried a diaper backpack and used our Ergo and super-compact Pockit travel stroller with a tote bag that rolls up super small.  A nursing cover also came in handy for when I couldn't find a Mamava pod or nursing room; I like the privacy in an enclosed space, but I fully support those who choose to nurse uncovered!

Our travel stroller is seriously one of our favorite baby things!  Strollers need to go through the X-ray machine at airport security, AND they need to be gate checked normally due to size.  So what I did was carry Kenny in the Ergo through security, as well as for boarding/unboarding the plane, but used the stroller otherwise.  Flying by myself the stroller was great for when I needed to use the bathroom.  I just stored the Ergo in the stroller basket when I wasn't using it.  The stroller folds up so small, I was able to carry it on in the tote bag and store it overhead.  No waiting at the gate for it to be unloaded!

Our travel stroller!  The downside is the sunshade is lacking, but we bought this one later which helps...

I was ultimately really glad that I took Kenny to L.A.  I was so fortunate to have help on both sides to make it happen!  Dan took us to the airport and helped us check/carry items, and the ticket agent gave him a pass to come through and assist us all the way to the gate.  Then in L.A., my two aunts were there to pick us up, and my mother and aunt were there to help us check items on the way home... and of course Dan was once again at the airport to help us on that end!  I had a lot of support, and Kenny got to spend quality time with the Korean side of the family (including two great-aunts and a great-uncle and cousins!); my grandparents are still talking about his visit.  

Was it stressful flying alone with baby?  Yes!  But the flight was direct, people were kind and helpful, and Kenny slept most of both flights.  I loved that people were willing to hold him and talk to him when I needed to get into a bag or whatever.  I found the window seat, while it sort of trapped me, was the best for keeping Kenny entertained and allowing him to spread out a little more in my arms.

Our second flight was to Florida, for a long weekend with my family.  This time, Dan came with us, which made things SO much easier!  It was another direct flight with Kenny flying for free as a lap infant.  We just had to get him checked in at the ticket counter with his birth certificate in order to get a boarding document.  We were lucky to have an empty seat between us one flight, which we sometimes used to entertain Kenny.  In the future, I may purchase a CARES harness so that if we have an empty seat, we can use it properly for him.

Honestly, our two flights were smooth sailing, and Kenny can claim four total flights in his first year!  I think it will be harder to fly during the toddler years, especially since he is a big guy.  But we'll take it one trip at a time!

Kenny's 100th Day Celebration

In typical new mom fashion, I'm posting something like three months after the fact, because my blog is no longer my baby...  forgive me!  But I wanted to share about Kenny's 100th Day Celebration from back in May.

In Korea, a "baek-il" celebrates a baby turning 100 days old.  Before more modern times, infant mortality was pretty high, so people often didn't show off their new baby until it was a few months old.  That indicated it had a better chance of survival, having made it to the 100-day milestone.

Now, it's an opportunity for families to show off their baby and have a party!  In Korea, many people now throw huge parties  for the baek-il as well as the "dol", or 1st birthday party.  We do plan to throw Kenny a Korean-American style dol next year!

Since Kenny came early, my original plan to visit Indiana with him during my maternity leave wasn't possible.  That meant most of my extended family hadn't met him yet.  So we planned on having some "open house" hours at my parents' house for people to come visit.  Well, once Gigi (my Mom's grandmother name) figured out she could show off her first grandchild, suddenly this was a bigger deal!

One of the traditions at a baek-il is to offer ricecakes to 100 people, to bring longevity to the baby and good luck.  Since Kenny is 1/4 Korean, we thought that maybe something like cookies would be fun!  We handed out cookies at the party, and the leftovers came with me to work.  We gave away well over 100 cookies, all individually wrapped and decorated by Mom and me.

The day of the party, tons of family and friends came to visit, including Mom's coworkers.  It was nice to show off Kenny, who behaved pretty well!  He wasn't (and isn't) at the "stranger danger" age, so he was content to be passed around.

I was really happy that my Mom could share this Korean tradition with Kenny.  I feel like she sometimes held back with us when it came to her culture, so my sister and I grew up very much all-American, English-speaking kids.  Now that I'm older, I want to embrace more of my heritage; I embrace my father's side through the DAR and genealogy, and I'm finding ways to incorporate Korean culture and language into my life where I can.

P.S.  Kenny's 100th Day weekend was also my first Mother's Day weekend!  Kenny did a potholder project at daycare (let's be real... his teachers used his feet as a stamp!) for me, and Dan gifted me a digital photo frame for my desk at work, so I could rotate photos of Kenny all day while I work.  I look at it every day!

Checking In

You guys, there's so much I could write, but we all know I've sucked at keeping up this blog for the past few months as I've been throwing myself headfirst into motherhood and getting back to my corporate gig.  Yikes, it's been a while...  this space used to be my escape and release in a way, a creative outlet.  Now, I don't get here as often because it's usually easier to wax philosophical on Instagram while I'm pumping...

I love my tiny human.  Kenny is a good baby, and we're in a blissful period where we're sleeping a bit more and enjoying lots of smiles and giggles.  It seems like every time we get something figured out, it changes; babies are 100% a moving target!  But it's fulfilling, and it sort of feels like he's been with us forever.

I've definitely had to say no to more things...  after-work fun, local influencer events, blog opportunities, etc.  I'm exhausted each and every day!  But I did manage to page at our DAR state conference by having Mom stay at the hotel with the baby.  We've also survived a few weeks of daycare, an evening with a non-family babysitter, an overnight work trip away, a week of solo parenting, and a road trip.  Whew!  That's a lot for a little guy who's only been out here breathing oxygen for a few months.  So I think that what's happening in non-essential stuff is eliminated from the calendar, and the stuff I really want and prioritize is making the cut.  That's not a bad place to be.

I'm also "graduating" from regular therapy!  I started using Talkspace over a year ago, because I was stressed out and struggling.  Dan and I were having conflicts about trying to conceive (it can put a lot of strain on a marriage!), I was overweight and overeating, I was navigating work and personal relationships, and I needed an objective ear that wasn't my friends.  Having a therapist in my phone to text or video chat with helped so much.  I went from a monthly video chat and 5x weekly texts to just texts, then to a few times a week, then to once a week texts.  Now, I don't feel like I need the sessions anymore, and my therapist supports me stepping back until I know I need help again.  I made sure I had support from that point, through pregnancy nerves, to those initial baby blues, to my transition back to work, and I couldn't be prouder or happier that I feel so much better now than I have in so long!

I've made sure to do some things for myself since Kenny was born.  I'm still active in the DAR, which I love!  I've gone to Happy Hours (just not 2-3 a week like the old days).  I've gone to Target after the baby is asleep to walk around.  I've worked on my scrapbooks and photo books.  And now I'm taking some time to reconnect with this blog, as I've got a bunch of stuff on my mind that people might find useful or interesting to read!

I have a few posts I'm thinking through, including my latest Stitch Fix recap, my experience going back to work (and pumping!), favorite baby things, and Kenny's 100 Days party/my first Mother's Day!  Hopefully I'll get around to those now that I'm tackling my to-do list to an extent.  But the desire to write has to be > the desire to sleep, and I have to have showered.  Because sometimes you just have to go into survival mode, and put yourself back together when you can.

Nursery Tour

When we found out I was pregnant, we decided that rather than moving to a larger home, we'd stay in our 2BR 2BA apartment.  We have plenty of space (1200 sq ft!), so we felt like it would be better to stay put and save money for now.  That said, with all of our family out of state, we wanted our 2nd bedroom to be a dedicated guest room for extended grandparent visits.  So we decided to share one walk-in closet in our bedroom and turn the other into our nursery.

I've had a lot of friends curious about our "closet nursery" so I decided to share it here.  That said, it's not going to be one of those lifestyle photo shoots, just a completely functional peek into our life with baby!

Outside of the nursery, on my side of the bed, we added a rocker, my Christmas gift from my mother-in-law.  We got it via Amazon, carefully looking for a smaller rocker that would fit that specific space.  We also got a ton of baby books from folks too, which wouldn't fit in the over-door hanging storage I got.  So the wall above the rocker became a baby book nook with display shelves, and the over-door hanging bins became storage for stuffed animals.

Inside the nursery, we were fortunate to have a great space and some closet shelving to work with.  For obvious reasons, we kept the shelves above the crib empty, but I felt confident in the strength of the shelves to store diapers above our changing table.  After all, baby isn't to be unattended on the changing table!  We also love having everything we need for the baby in one main spot, organized so we know where to reach even when we're tired.  Kenny loves the mobile above the changing table too.

Since I took these photos, I've filled up the bottom clothing rack with 3-6 month clothes!

We also chose a mini crib because of the space, and Kenny sleeps in it every night!  It's shorter than a full size crib, and about four inches less wide.  The space is the size of a pack 'n' play basically.

We've also got baby "stuff" in other areas of the apartment, but we try our best not to let it take over the whole space!  I think that once Kenny is bigger, that will be tougher... but for now, it's not so bad!  We have a mini dishwashing/drying station by the kitchen sink.

In the living room, we have two bins under the coffee table that hold books and toys that we use for the day.  We also have a little foldable swing and Kenny's activity mat.  Usually there is a bunch of baby stuff on the coffee table during the day, but by creating designated spots for baby stuff we have managed to keep it pretty tidy in general.

In addition, because I was craving natural sunlight, Dan put privacy film on the lower 2/3 of our patio windows, so I can see clearly outside when standing but be hidden when I'm sitting on the sofas nursing.  Since we're on the first floor facing the parking lot, I really appreciate the privacy, and Kenny and I get good natural lighting all day.

So there you have it!  That's how baby has changed our apartment, and how we created a nursery in our closet.  We like having Kenny "in" our room, so our family can stay in the other bedroom and visit us as often as possible.  I'm sure once he is mobile and getting into things, we will have to childproof and adapt, but for the past couple of months it has worked for us.

Kenny's Birth Story

A month ago (wow!), I gave birth to our first child, Kenny.  Considering that his due date was just a week ago, it was a roller coaster ride to be sure.  I finally found a few minutes, jotting notes here and there over the past month, to share the story here.

I'd gone to my OB for my regular weekly appointment at 37 weeks, expecting a normal visit, but my preeclampsia symptoms (which began around 35 weeks) were getting worse.  I was carrying a ton of water weight, my blood pressure was going up, and I had protein in my urine.  My doctor ordered additional labwork to be run that day, telling me I needed to put my feet up from now until the baby was born.  So I headed back to the office, let everyone know I'd be working from home for a while, then headed to dinner with my friends.  I had a blast with them, and then afterwards I was sitting on the couch at home eating a candy bar when the on-call doctor phoned.  They told me that I needed to come to the hospital for induction that night.  Dan wasn't even done with work yet; I had to call him to tell him to come home.  I was shaking!

Photographic proof that I was out with my friends P & M that night, not knowing I'd be heading to the hospital

We arrived at the hospital late on January 30th for me to have medicine placed to prepare my cervix.  I guess my preparedness paid off in some ways...  I already had my bag packed in the car, with a copy of my hospital pre-admission paperwork and everything we needed ready to go.  We also had the carseat installed and inspected the weekend prior!

The next morning, my water broke on its own.  I was coming back to bed from the bathroom, and it just happened.  I wasn't exactly sure if I was correct about it, but the nurses confirmed what it was.  It was such a crazy sensation!

At about 10 a.m., we started the medicine pitocin to induce delivery.  I made quick progress with dilation over the course of the day, and I remember being hungry (of course LOL).  I remember the joy I felt when I was given a popsicle, and I was so glad that I ate a big meal with my friends the night before!  My contractions kept getting stronger and stronger, to the point I was ready for my epidural.  Oh boy, I loved that epidural!  Meanwhile, my parents drove down from Indiana and arrived around 3 p.m.

By 5:30 p.m., I was prepared to push.  Dan and my mom were on my left side to support me during delivery.  Pushing with the epidural was definitely challenging in a way... As a first-timer, I didn't know what I was doing, or what was productive, and I needed a nurse coaching me on when a contraction was coming.  But my doctor and nurses were so great, and I got the hang of things in the end.  After an hour of pushing, our Kenny was born!  He cried right away (I heard him before I saw him), and they placed him on my chest, goo and all.

I remember crying.  I remember my Mom was crying, and that Dan cut the umbilical cord.  I think my first reaction upon seeing Kenny was just surprise...  did I really have that little guy inside me all this time?  (That's what she said... LOL)  But seriously, I couldn't believe that this little person was ours, and that he had such a sweet face.  It was all such a blur.  Our hospital really emphasizes skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding, and within his first hour of life I was nursing him for the first time.

This photo is my everything!

The hospital cafeteria was closed by the time I was allowed to eat, so Dad and Dan went and got me some Steak 'n' Shake.  Dan fed me chicken tenders while I lay in bed.  It was the best-tasting chicken ever given the circumstances.

Kenny was born on a Wednesday, so we moved to a recovery room and spent that night and Thursday night in the hospital.  Dan stayed in the room with me, and we had our first sleepless nights with a newborn.  We had no idea what we were doing, and it was scary even just picking him up.  Were we doing it right?  Clueless.  Fortunately the nursery nurses were amazing.  We had some coaching on breastfeeding from a lactation consultant, Kenny got checked out by a pediatrician, and I got checked out by a doctor from my OB's office.  A photographer came by too, so we have some precious photos of Kenny from when he was less than 24 hours old!

By Friday, my preeclampsia symptoms seemed to have subsided, and we were discharged to go home.  But the story doesn't end there.

On Saturday, I wasn't feeling great, but I figured that was normal after giving birth.  I had a headache that wouldn't go away, and I was seeing sparkly "floaters" in my vision.  Dan went to work that day for his brewery's anniversary party, and I remember thinking that maybe I was tired and dehydrated from being up at night with a newborn.  But then I recalled the symptoms of preeclampsia that my doctor had repeated to me over and over...  so I told Dan to bring home a Gatorade and a blood pressure cuff from Walgreens, so we could see what was up. When we took my blood pressure, twice, it was through the roof.

Everything became a blur.  My parents were staying with us, and my Mom was going to be with us for a couple of weeks.  We knew that I needed to get to the ER, since my doctor's office was closed.  So we left the baby with my parents (thankfully I had saved formula samples in the pantry!) and went to the hospital immediately.  We knew we made the right call by the way the ER personnel acted when I arrived.  In fact, the ER doctor told Dan (while I was out of the room) that if we hadn't known to come in, I could have ended up having seizures and in a coma!  I was admitted to the hospital for preeclampsia and spent 24 hours on magnesium treatment, then another night for observation.

Those two nights in the hospital were gut-wrenching.  I was not allowed out of bed except for the nurse to take me to the bathroom, and the treatment made me feel terrible.  In addition, because Kenny had been discharged from the hospital, he couldn't go back into the nursery, so having him room with me at the hospital (not to mention the terrible flu season) felt risky.  Not to mention I was being checked every hour, on the hour, by nurses.  Instead, he stayed home with Dan and my parents, and I got familiar with the hospital's breast pump.  I didn't see him from Saturday night until Monday afternoon.  Not being able to control anything, I set an alarm for every three hours to pump milk for Kenny.  I'm so glad that I did, because my milk came in while I was there!  The nurses stored it for me in the NICU fridge, and Dan would come back and forth (we live three miles away) to bring home food for our son.

I took these photos while I was in the hospital for the 2nd time, to commemorate my misery.

I cried and cried every night being away from the baby.  It was so hard, even though I know I made the right call at the time!  In some ways, if you look for silver linings, I got some reassurance out of it.  I learned that I could survive being separated from my baby (as tough as it was), and Dan got the experience of being a full-time caregiver in a way most new fathers don't get right away.  He had two nights to bond with that baby, which made me feel better.  I also learned that Kenny was fine with formula (and later breastmilk) from a bottle.  He was nourished, and I didn't have to worry about that.  Lastly, I learned that I have to take care of my own well-being to be able to take care of my baby.  The hospital stay allowed me to rest (somewhat) and recuperate fully so I could go home to my baby.  Kenny was thriving, so I couldn't let myself feel any guilt over how things happened.

Once I got home on Monday, I did notice that my "baby blues" hit in the evenings, and that I was experiencing anxiety related to our health.  Every time I had a headache or something, I was worried I was going to end up back in the hospital.  Every time anything happened with Kenny that I wasn't sure was normal, I was suddenly paralyzed with fear that he was going to overheat or starve or stop breathing or be sick.  In hindsight, I think that my feelings were very normal, but that second week post-partum (let's face it, my first week was a hospital stay) was definitely tough.  Thank goodness my Mom was there to help me through it, and that Dan was so great throughout.  Once my doctor reassured me that I was out of the woods for preeclampsia, my anxiety subsided.

So there you have it!  Kenny's birth story, plus my bonus hospital stay.  A month later, I definitely feel recovered from delivery and preeclampsia, and now I'm full-on in newborn land.  It's a whole new level of exhausting, but ultimately everything I've been through has been worth it!

I mean, look at this guy...  :)