Proof of Life: 2021

I have been a blogger on and off for 20 years, from LiveJournal and Diaryland to when my friend bought me the domain aubreyann.com to, well, this blog.  But the advent of shorter form social media (mainly Instagram) has made this medium less appealing because it requires me to sit down in front of a larger screen and keyboard and make more of an effort to put together coherent thoughts.  These days, those quiet moments without a child or cat trying to press keys on my laptop are few and far between.

Top Nine in 2021

1. I went back to work in January after a short maternity leave with Freddie, and he started at the same daycare as Kenny.
2. We celebrated Kenny's 3rd birthday (with a Cars theme) with all three of his grandparents.
3. I was named Tennessee DAR's State Outstanding Junior, and I was also a National Finalist (one of eight) for the national contest.
4. We road tripped to 30A to spend a week at the beach with friends and family.
5. I traveled to Connecticut and Disney World to spend time with my BFF Lindsey.
6. We road tripped to Wisconsin Dells with my parents for a vacation, then cut over to Pittsburgh to celebrate my mother-in-law's 70th birthday.
7. I traveled to Washington, D.C. twice for short DAR trips.
8. Freddie turned 1 and had a birthday party focused on Korean family traditions... and he started walking too!
9. We explored Indiana, including the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, the Indianapolis Zoo, and Carmel's Christkindlmarkt.

I also started strength training this fall about twice a week, have been able to enjoy a lot of podcasts, and I joined Bloomington's chapter of Tri Kappa, a philanthrophic sorority.  I didn't live up to my resolution for 2021 of trying to be better at keeping in touch with friends.  I think that balancing family and work has consumed me for the most part, and even just adding exercise to the mix was challenging.

But life is good, it really is.  We love our home.  We love having family close by.  I love my new career, even when it gives me grey hairs or the stock market is having a wonky day.  It's a good life that I have, and I'm thankful every minute of it.

I do want to write some blog posts about our travels, albeit late in the game as I even have one from 2020 unpublished.  But at a minimum I may check in here once a year or so, just to say hello to my old friend and to preserve something on the internet for posterity.

Reflections

Today is both Flag Day and the Army Birthday. When I was in the Army, we often had cake and celebrations associated with this day. Today, I'm just at home still in my PJs reflecting on the fact that I've spent more time outside of the Army than in it.

The first time I deployed, a volunteer handed me a little flag before I stepped on the plane. It was the same kind I've handed out at parades or nursing homes, the little inexpensive ones on a wooden rod that might give you a splinter if you're not careful. But that day, I had this realization that there was a chance I might not set foot on American soil again. I clung to that little flag in fear and anxiety, hoping for the best.

As controversial as General MacArthur was, sometimes I still hear the recording of his aged voice in my head... ""Duty, Honor, Country" — those three hallowed words reverently dictate what you ought to be, what you can be, what you will be. They are your rallying point to build courage when courage seems to fail, to regain faith when there seems to be little cause for faith, to create hope when hope becomes forlorn."

In tough times, in challenging times, in scary times, I find myself clinging metaphorically to that little 30-cent flag. Sometimes, I feel its splinters digging into my hand. But I hold fast because of those three words, reminding me to never give up on courage, faith, and hope. There remains the possibility and potential for a better tomorrow.

Grateful

I've been pretty quiet on this blog in recent months, and it has everything to do with life being so different these days...  I have a baby.  I don't travel as much.  I started a new role at work.  It feels like every spare minute I have, I'm trying to eat, tidy up, or just veg out watching 'This is Us' on TV.

I'm tired.  I'm happy.  And I'm shocked by what a blur this year has been.

But I wanted to take a moment and capture a few of my thoughts today, in the spirit of Thanksgiving.

I'm grateful for family.  Kenny and I saw a lot of our Korean family in Los Angeles this summer.  We also spent a week at the beach with Dan's family and friends.  I'm glad that we have so much love surrounding us.  I am especially grateful for my parents, who make such an effort to connect with us every month.  They take time away from work and home to make it happen, and it really helps us a lot with Kenny and even our own relationship with date nights!

photo by Steve Cross

I'm grateful for friends.  I just got back from a lake weekend with some of my girlfriends, and it was such a wonderful time.  I went to Newport to visit my friend Lindsey this summer.  My friends at work keep me sane.  My DAR friends are my family.  There are just so many people in my life who care about me and support us as a family, and I feel lucky to feel so full.  It's hard living in a different state than your family, but friends can really make that difference.

I'm grateful for a healthy baby.  Sweet Kenny has had his share of runny noses, but we've been fortunate to have a healthy year thus far.  I love watching him grow and explore, and he has so much personality now.  I love being able to experience it all with him.

at Cheekwood Harvest

I'm grateful to be an American.  This one has been tough, not gonna lie.  But I do feel fortunate to live where I do, to have the opportunity that I do, and to know that I have a lot of great people alongside me.  I could have a very different life someplace else, and I'm hopeful for positive change that helps our country unite for the better.

I'm never here often enough anymore (though I'm almost always on Instagram!) but I think that is just natural at this point.  I hope to bring you more travels and adventures (and of course, our annual Christmas card!) in the months to come.

2018 Desire Map

It's the end of January, so by now most people have given up on New Year's resolutions or are sort of getting tired of them.  The one perk of being super pregnant this time of year is no one trying to sell my weight loss products and programs... figure they'll wait until after my baby is born to do that.  (eyeroll)

But I didn't want to start the new year, a year that is going to be life-altering, without some thought behind my desires and wants.  So when my friend Lindsey mentioned she was doing The Desire Map again this year, I knew that I wanted to give it a go.

The endstate to The Desire Map for me was all about three words that would guide me in 2018.  Sort of my personal mantras for the year.  I did read through the book, which kind of reads like a blog-meets-pep-talk in a way.  I don't usually like the touchy-feely mumbo jumbo, but I did glean some wisdom while reading.

For me, the bread and butter of this was the workbook exercise.  I spent a lot of time brainstorming.  Since I may want to do this over and over again, I downloaded the book PDF (sometimes available for free!) and printed out the worksheet pages.

I decided to share this on my blog as it's along the lines of New Year's resolutions posts I've done in the past, AND because I felt like it was a really great exercise.  I'm not plugging this author in any way, nor is those sponsored... I just felt like overall it was something that I enjoyed putting some thought behind, and that it might help someone reading this blog to embrace this kind of thing!

For 2018, the core desired feelings on which I landed are:

• intentional
• I want to live my life and make choices with intention, not out of obligation or just letting things happen to me.  I want to do things I want to do!
• I want to be present as I raise my baby.  I don't want to let things just rush by.
• nourished
• I wanted a word related to my health, so words like strong and energetic came up.  But ultimately I landed on nourished, because it can have so many meanings around health and happiness overall.   I want my body and my soul to both feel nourished.

• joyful
• I want to embrace happiness and seek joy.  I think sometimes I do a lot of what other people want me to do, and I don't seek out the things that bring me personal fulfillment.
• I also want to embrace the joy of parenthood, keeping an eye on my personal well-being to manage any baby blues or stress that come my way.

Did you make any resolutions or mantras for 2018?

How's it going?

2017: Looking Back

For the past couple of years, I've been doing a sort of reflective post/round-up on New Year's Eve for this blog.  (See 2016 and 2015 here!)  Looking back, 2017 was light on blogging compared to past years, mainly because I spent 19 weeks battling pregnancy nausea and didn't have an ounce of energy or spare time to write.  That made me a bit sad, because I really love this space, but sometimes something's gotta give, right?

Here are my personal Top 10 favorite blog posts from this year, in chrono order:

1. Fire Crackers Recipe:  The only recipe on this year's Top 10 list, it was one I came back to again and again!  I don't know how many batches I've made this year.  Typically I make them in the fall/winter during holiday timing, so we have a snack to munch on.  They're spicy and flavorful and easy to make.  Our favorite combo to date is the White Cheddar Cheez-its and Townhouse Pretzel Flipsides.  These days I mix them in a Ziploc then dump them into a plastic container for sharing and munching.
2. Big Guide to Meal Kit Delivery Services:  After trying six different meal kit services, I finally compiled a list of my favorites and thoughts.  I feel like they're great for getting you to make something outside your comfort zone, eliminating another night of takeout, and just getting back into using your kitchen.  If I try any new ones, I'll definitely have to update this post!
3. San Antonio, Revisited:  Travel posts are often my favorite during any given year, because they remind me of the things I saw, did, and ate while away!  In this post, I had an amazing work trip to San Antonio that turned into a foodie extravaganza of sorts, because my coworkers are amazing.
4. Tucson.  Lucky me, another work trip yielded a travel post!  Tucson isn't easy to get to (not compared to Phoenix, anyways) but I was surprised by what a food city it has become.
5. Phoenix.  I actually went to Phoenix three times in 2017, but this post from my trip in March was the only one I ended up writing.  Food, shopping, sightseeing, this post is a typical recap but makes me smile because it was quality time with my sister.
6. National Cornbread Festival.  I love Lodge cast iron, so convincing Dan to take me to South Pittsburg to tour the foundry was a must.  Since it's only open during this festival, we had to check it out!
7. Pacific Northwest Vacation: Washington and Oregon.  Okay, I'm cheating here a little bit, because I actually wrote a bunch of posts about this vacation this year.  NINE to be exact.  But that's the best part about our annual vacation... there's so much to share and tell!  So check it out if you've ever wanted to visit the area, as we took a pretty cool road trip through some great cities.  This is the vacation that knocked me up LOL.  (TMI?)
8. Sometimes, trying to get pregnant sucks.   This post was much loved for being honest.  I got a lot of feedback from folks that it made them teary-eyed or that they could relate to it.  I think that every year I have a post that is more confessional than editorial, and this was the one.
9. Disney World for Adults.  I've lost track of the number of times I've been to Disney World, both as a child and as an adult.  Somehow, I end up there just about every year or every other year, before ever adding a kid to the mix.  Because I know that Disney isn't just for kids, I wanted to capture a trip there aimed solely at adults.  It's a great place to spend time with your friends (yes, there's booze!) and feel forever young.
10. Pregnancy: Things I've Learned in My First 7 Months.  Written this month, I boiled down my first two trimesters of pregnancy into a single blog post.  I know I haven't posted a ton about pregnancy (two posts and a baby shower post) but it's inevitable I was going to write something.  Hopefully it's fun to read!

My most popular posts this year, according to Google Analytics, have been...

• Review: LuLaRoe Clothing (also last year's #1)
• Review: THINX Underwear for Periods (also last year's #2)
• Grey Gardens Viewing Party: This little post from 2015 popped up a bunch this year in popular posts, probably because the Grey Gardens house went up for sale and interest in the cult film had a resurgence.  I can't take credit for hosting the party, only getting into the spirit by dressing as Little Edie and enjoying myself.

Of course, none of these were written in 2017, but sometimes traffic driving posts lead to readers finding the new stuff.  If you're one of those, yay!  Welcome!

As I think about 2018, I know that this blog is going to transition with me into motherhood.  I'm not saying it's going to be a "Mommy blog" (because goodness knows there are enough of those) but I am hoping to bring a glimpse into that life to this space, as the only common theme and thread I've ever had here is whatever is going on in my life.  I'm hoping that I'll still be able to travel, eat, shop, and do the things I've always loved writing about, but with a new twist... a little dude to make it more complicated, messy, and hopefully sweet.

2016: Looking Back

Blogging, like journaling or scrapbooking, can really allow you to step back and take a look at where you've been.  When I was a teenager, I used paper diaries.  For over a decade now, I've been blogging on various sites.   And I like being able to see what I did, where I went, and more, because memory is fleeting sometimes.  We get to busy, we don't stop and think back on what we've accomplished.  Here are my favorite moments from this blog (and life!) in 2016...

JANUARY:  Exploring the Grand Canyon and Flagstaff with Dan, while visiting my sister and her fiance.

FEBRUARY:  Traveling to San Antonio for the first time!  I'd really love to come back and explore more of the city.

MARCH:  Putting another half marathon in the books, my 2nd Disney Princess Half Marathon.  It was a full-circle experience since that race was also my first half!

APRIL:  Our long weekend getaway to Austin was really cool.  I can't believe it had taken me so long to get to that city!  Not going to lie, this year was so crazy I almost forgot we took this trip.  And of course it wasn't all one blog post: Jester King Brewery & Salt Lick BBQ, East Austin and East Cesar Chavez, Rainey Street and 6th Street, and LBJ Presidential Library, Bullock Texas State History Museum, and more.

MAY:  May is when my blog went from being "Adventures in Aubreyland" to "Always Aubrey", with all the hiccups, dead links, drop in traffic, and other issues that come with being a blogger who does pretty much everything DIY.  Woof.  It wasn't easy, but I think this was worth it... just wish the preferred handle I wanted on Instagram was available.

JUNE:  MBA GRADUATION!  'Nuff said, right?  So glad to have two Master's Degrees under my belt after years of doing school while working full time.

JULY:  Okay, so I was in DC in June for DAR, but I blogged about it into July...  and seeing the White House twice was one of my big highlights, especially the West Wing.  I'm also now pretty glad I got to see it during the last year of the Obamas in the White House, just to feel that energy and sort of bask in it.  I'm sure there will be some changes in the house this year, which makes me sad.

AUGUST:  We celebrated our 1st Wedding Anniversary.  Woohoo!

SEPTEMBER:  September and October were all about covering our week-long vacation in Quebec...  from Quebec City...

OCTOBER:  ...to Montreal.  We really loved this trip, and it reminded us that the coolest destinations are sometimes within your own continent, not just across an ocean.

NOVEMBER:  My friend Lindsey came back to town for a visit, and we had an incredible girls' night out meal at The Standard.

DECEMBER:  Travel was a consistent highlight this year!  I went to Seattle for the first time ever during a work trip in December.  I saw the Space Needle and went to the Amazon bookstore.


My most popular posts, according to Google Analytics, have been old review posts, but they're the kind of thing that bring people to a new blog!  I've updated a couple of these over time because they get so much traffic:

• Review: LuLaRoe Clothing (over 100,000 unique pageviews this year!)
• Review: THINX Underwear for Periods
• How to Sell Your Stuff on Poshmark 

When I think about 2017, I think about wanting to be more in tune to myself and my surroundings.  I want to be present in my own life, less busy and distracted.  Rather than make a more specific goal, that is going to be my focus!  Cheers to you all, and thanks for reading.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Freedom, Equality, Justice, and Humanity

I've been working on some blog posts, the usual Always Aubrey fare, about food, travel, and other things I have been enjoying lately.  But the news, the events happening in the U.S. this week, it's got me down.  It just doesn't seem appropriate to post the happy-go-lucky stuff this week.  I'm just sad.

I'm not a political person.  I'm a humanity person.  I'm a realistic optimist.  I'm a social liberal who owns a gun.  I'm a fiscal conservative.  I'm a military Veteran.  An immigrant's daughter.  I'm a crazy mix, basically.  My opinions are all my own.

On Monday, the 4th of July, I posted the following on Facebook:

"I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people, whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed; a democracy in a Republic; a sovereign Nation of many sovereign States; a perfect Union, one and inseparable; established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity for which American patriots sacrificed their lives and fortunes. I therefore believe it is my duty to my country to love it; to support its Constitution; to obey its laws; to respect its flag; and to defend it against all enemies."
-William Tyler Page

We recite this at every official DAR function, and today it felt especially poignant to share! Proud to be descended from a Scottish-born immigrant, who fought for our country's independence, and proud to be the daughter of a first-generation immigrant, naturalized soon after my birth. Both of my lineages remind me of what it means to be American, with equal importance.

Today, I posted more, in light of recent events...

I posted on Monday, Independence Day, a quote that I recite often: "I believe in the United States of America as a government of the people, by the people, for the people, whose just powers are derived from the consent of the governed... established upon those principles of freedom, equality, justice, and humanity..."

FREEDOM to legally speak our minds and to bear arms without fear of being killed.

EQUALITY to be respected for our differences and receive equal protection under the law, not feared or profiled for being of a different race, religion, gender, orientation.

JUSTICE to have faith in a fair system of law enforcement, trial, and punishment, without prejudice, and to have trust in those who have sworn to protect us and keep peace.

HUMANITY, where we are all guilty of faltering right now. When life is stolen from a person unjustly, it is a crime. But it is also a tragedy. We need to remember to love one another, and accept that differences are what make us richer, not what should divide us.

We have abandoned our principles. As someone who once carried an assault rifle or handgun every day for a year in Iraq, a scary place with scary people, I learned that sometimes fear can push us towards prejudice; in those moments, we have to remember our principles, our rules of engagement, and understand the proper reaction or escalation of force. I also learned that we have to have trust in our fellow Americans, even when we sometimes want to doubt, because divided we fall.

If we claim to be colorblind or gender blind, we are just BLIND, because as humans we DO see our differences. Our minds naturally identify the differences. And an eye for eye makes us more blind. We have to accept one another, remember humanity.

We all bleed the same color, trust me. We all cry the same color tears.

What are your principles? Where are they right now?

2015: Looking Back

2015 was awesome.  Seriously, I'm not sure how it gets better?  Sure, it had highs and lows... but overall as I look back, I can't help but be pleased by how things ended up.  Here are my Top Ten (in chrono order) captured on this blog for the year!

1. On New Year's Eve, at nearly midnight, Dan proposed.
2. I completed the Walt Disney World Marathon, all 26.2 grueling miles.
3. I became a godmother (and ate my way through NY).
4. We took brewery/Franklin-themed engagement portraits.
5. I had a beer brunch 30th birthday party, and it was a blast!
6. We honeymooned in Peru, the best trip we've ever taken.
7. I attended my first Daughters of the American Revolution Continental Congress in D.C.
8. WE GOT MARRIED!
9. I also traveled to Florida (once, twice), New York, California, Arizona (once, and one more post coming), Alabama, Indiana (a few times), Michigan (a few times for work and with Dan), and Pennsylvania for Christmas.
10. I wrote posts on two cities I've grown to love over the past few years (my current staycations!) Nashville and Franklin, Tennessee.

My blog got a new look this year, thanks to Maru!  Every so often, you need a nice refresh, right?

I was also more candid, honest, open this year, and I even dove further back into the past for some inspiration...  a few posts I'm proud of for various reasons:

• "No, I'm not changing my name."
• Thoughts on Remarriage
• Opening up on why I joined the DAR
• Reviewing UNDERWEAR on my blog (Thinx Period Underwear)
• Travel retrospectives to Paris, St. Lucia, South Korea, and London

And since everyone is doing that 2015bestnine thing on Instagram, I thought I'd post mine here for a laugh... because everyone loves cat photos, my most-liked photos were mostly Bear and Bourbon.  #winning #crazycatlady  (The other two non-cat pics are my South Korea pic from the retrospective and our engagement!)

BEST WISHES FOR A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR!!!

What NOT to do when your friend is divorcing

I've been divorced now for almost four years.  And in that time, I went from feeling like a pariah to one of many good, normal people who experience this personal life-changer.  I've seen more and more of my friends go through this awful thing, and seeing their so-called friends (and even family) make them feel worse is infuriating to me.  But then I realized, maybe people just don't know how to react when someone is going through this.  It's AWKWARD.

So your friend's getting divorced... and you don't know what to do?  AWKWARD.

So I decided to post a few tips here on how NOT to act when your friend's getting a divorce... and a few things you ought to do.

• DON'T assume fault or salacious storylines.  There are three sides to every divorce: his, hers, and the truth.  (Note: I'm for marriage equality, so feel free to substitute pronouns.)  The reality is, divorces don't always happen because someone cheated, someone was abusive, etc.  They happen for the same reason that any other breakup happens... it's just that there's a legal contract, social construct, and more that makes it that much worse.

• DON'T feel entitled to the details.  When I got divorced, acquaintances on Facebook (as in, people I haven't talked to in forever) sent me messages to ask why my relationship status changed, or why my name changed.  Um, seriously?  If you're just a casual observer of someone's life on social media (as in, the most interaction you have is "liking" their photos or saying Happy Birthday once a year), you are NOT entitled to know the details of your so-called friend's divorce.  And even if you are a good friend, realize that you will never know everything that happened, and that's okay.  It's your job to be a friend, not soak up all the juicy gossip.  She'll tell you what she wants you to know, when she's ready.
• DON'T act like it's contagious.  Divorce is not a literal plague.  So if you're married, don't cut your friend off because you're scared her reality could become yours.  Seriously, there are people who cut out divorced friends because it casts a new light on their own imperfect relationship.  The only one who can break your marriage is you and your spouse..  You don't have to feel weird inviting her to things you'd normally invite her to, because she's the SAME PERSON.  No need to be afraid, or wear a HAZMAT suit.

It's not ebola, people.

• DON'T disparage her ex.  Well, not too much anyways.  Commiserate with her, but don't blast her ex to the point that she would never see you in the same light if they reconcile.  It's been known to happen.  Also, she'll wonder why the heck you never said anything about how much you hated him before they married!  It's fun to jump on the hater bandwagon, but she's the only one who is allowed talk *real* trash about him.
• DON'T judge when she starts dating again, no matter how soon.  A divorce is not a death.  There is no required mourning period.  I learned from divorcing, and witnessing my friends' divorces, that whether you wait a year or a month to start dating again, it's going to be "too soon" in someone's (irrelevant) opinion.  Guess what?  Everyone is different... and while she may only be divorced a month, she probably hasn't felt like she's been in a healthy relationship for even longer.  You don't get to judge.  Also, don't set her up (especially with your husband's last, weird single friend) unless she asks you to...  she's not desperate, she's just divorced.

THIS is what your last single friend looks like to me.  Don't set me up.

I know I've listed a lot of things that you shouldn't do when your friend is divorcing... but there are also things you SHOULD do.  Or at least, these are things that I appreciated and try to do for my own friends.

• DO... date your friend.  You know how when you're part of a couple, you look forward to Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc. celebrations with your loved one?  Suddenly, your friend no longer has that significant other around to take care of those things anymore.  So make an effort to make her smile, and "date" your friend.  Go to dinner, a movie, to a winery, send flowers, thoughtful things like that...  In many cases, your friendship predates your own marriage or relationship.  She deserves a little love from you.

It's time for sisterhood and friendship!

• DO... realize that this is about HER, and not about YOU.  If you're worried about awkwardness around your friend, seeing her ex in public, people associating you with her divorce, and other stupid things, guess what?  She feels 1000x worse than you!  You do NOT get to be more upset than she is!  Period!  Don't make this your own drama.

• DO... recognize that this is devastating for her, and she may not be herself for awhile.  Forgive her (within reason) for being a bad friend for a while.  Don't get offended when she doesn't "like" all your happy Facebook posts.  She'll come around, but it takes time.  In my opinion, divorce feels like an amputation: a part of you that you thought you'd always have is suddenly gone, and there's a lot of pain and even phantom limb sensations about it.  It's awful... but you get used to the loss after a while.

I know this isn't perfect advice.  And I'm not always the best at these things either.  But I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy, let alone a friend.  So try to be a friend to your friend... this too shall pass!

Eventually.

Blog Hop: Behind the Scenes

When Jess, from Stamp in my Passport, nominated me to go next on a blog hop, I was immediately flattered by her kind words about this humble little space.  How could I refuse?  This one is focused around the writing process, so I had to sit back and think about how I actually end up posting what I do on my blog.

Q1. What am I currently working on/writing? Nothing!  Honestly, my queue of posts is basically empty.  I have been traveling a lot, it's my MBA finals week, and my cousin's wedding just happened, so I have neglected my blog.  Usually, I have a half dozen posts lined up and space them out as I see appropriate, inserting new posts in between as needed for sponsored content and whatnot.  That's the usual cadence, anyways!
Q2. How does my work/writing differ from others of its genre? It's probably more incoherent than other lifestyle blogs.  While I admit I do have some fun travel posts, I don't really know what my blog is supposed to be about, other than me.  It tends to veer towards travel, food, shopping, and my cats, but I don't generate enough content to do any of them exclusively.  If you like me, you'll like my blog.  If you don't like my blog, we probably wouldn't be great friends.  I also don't generate a consistent income/living from blogging (always <$100/mo in goods and giftcards) and a bunch of that ends up going to taxes.
Q3. Why do I write what I do? I have kept a journal since I was a teenager, but blogging took me from writing a private journal to creating content for others to read.  I no longer write in a notebook; it seems like a waste of paper.  I write for a few reasons...  One, it's cathartic.  I'm a chatterbox by nature, and so blogging makes sense.  It helps keep me from overwhelming my IRL friends on Facebook with all the stuff in my head.  Two, I like the social aspect.  I've made friends through blogging, and I like to crowdsource ideas about where to travel, where to eat, good shopping deals, etc.  By posting my own reviews and ideas, I'm giving back to the community as much as I take.  Lastly, I blog because it gives me an opportunity to learn.  I learn about basic coding, basic Photoshop, lots of geeky things.  I enjoy learning something new.
Q4. How does my writing process work? Typically, my posts are event-based.  I ate at a restaurant.  I traveled somewhere.  I wore an outfit that made me feel good.  Then I take photos (usually my iPhone) and upload them to my Google Drive.  I create individual blog post drafts, usually a bulleted list at first so I don't forget details I want to write about later.  I use these lists, and my photos, to craft a post when I have more time to sit down and focus.   I only spend a couple hours a week blogging, when it's all said and done, because I have a full time job and MBA going on.
To continue the fun, I nominate my blog friend Meghan at Hayes Days.  She's beautiful, sweet, and I love seeing what she's up to!  (P.S. Meghan, you don't have to if you don't want to.)

On being brave

Every so often, I occasionally feel compelled to write something truly personal.  To confess.  To shove all of my thoughts out into the universe.  To be vulnerable.  Because while you know me through my posts about where I've been, what I wear, and what I've eaten, those are clearly the things I'm most comfortable blabbing and writing about.
This week, I had a bit of a personal epiphany, and it has shaken me up in a way that I did not expect.  I realized that I am too often afraid.  And I realized that I am brave.
That sounds like a bit of a contradiction, given my background and the way I appear to most people.  But I am filled with irrational fears.  I tend to be risk averse.  I like the bad news first.  I read the Wikipedia summaries of scary movies before I'm forced to watch them, so I won't be spooked.  My nightmares are filled with a myriad of common and uncommon fears, of physical harm, emotional harm, inadequacy, and shame.
What makes me feel able to overcome these fears?  Other people.  I seek approval, I seek support.  I fear rejection, but I applied to and survived West Point, went after a new career, started my MBA.  I'm terrified of heights, but I have jumped out of airplanes and zip-lined and climbed towers and obstacles.  I'm afraid of guns, but I learned to use them and went outside the wire in Iraq.  There have been so many times in my life where I have been afraid, but somehow persevered and achieved something I thought to be impossible.  And in every single instance, I had people that I trusted and cared about encouraging me and reassuring me that I was capable enough to do it.  I needed them to feel I was good enough to do it.  Because I apparently didn't believe in myself.
Last December, I was in a course for women designed to teach us to lead powerfully.  It was an emotionally exhausting journey, and at the end of it I had a realization: I am brave.  I walked away from that course feeling on top of the world.  I was able to look back at my accomplishments and realize that I did not achieve them because other people told me I was able to...  I achieved them because I always had the innate ability to do so.
But ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on...  and I forget that I'm brave.  I seek approval everywhere.  I lose faith that I'm good enough to do something.
This week, I was in Colorado with my team from work, including my boss.  The activities planned for us were a surprise, another one of those things I don't tend to like due to my irrational fears.  You should see how sweaty my palms were!  One of the planned activities was a 9-hole golf scramble, something I had never participated in before.  I was beating myself down the entire time, feeling like I would let my team down, embarrass myself, and ultimately be a failure.  But my team was encouraging, coached me the entire time, and my confidence grew.  I even contributed a few good strokes that helped the group, in between slices.
Then the next day, I was told we would be riding ATVs into the mountains.  I don't like to go fast.  I am afraid of motorcycles, four-wheelers, and basically anything else my mother told me was a death trap.  I've never even ridden a riding lawn mower, because I'm irrationally afraid of the blades.  But my entire team was riding up the mountain, and I was going with them.  I trust them and love them, and I didn't want to hold anyone back.
I was afraid.  The slopes were steep, the course rocky.  But I pushed on.  And then I went faster.  And then I let go of the fear.  The guide, sensing the change in his only real novice rider, led us to bumpy, muddy mess and blazed on through.  I was first in line behind him, and he looked back to see if I would follow.  I gunned it.  I let go of everything I was afraid of: getting dirty, getting stuck, falling off, being hurt...  and I just went straight in at full speed, the way I always do when faced with a sense of "fight or flight".  I fight.

Letting go.

Later, I would tell my boss just how afraid and uncomfortable I was during the trip.  I would also tell him that what made me feel able to face my fears was knowing I had my trusted team behind me.  And I couldn't stop thinking about it after I said it aloud.
I'd forgotten.  I'd forgotten that while having the support of others makes me FEEL able to face my fears, I was still the one facing them.  Alone.  By myself.  In spite of myself.
I'm brave.  I'm fortunate that I've had such good people in my life to remind me that I'm capable, but I hate that I've relied on them so much, instead of relying on me.
When it comes to my life, I need to put my foot on the gas and stop riding the brake.  I need to believe in my own abilities, because the hard work and effort and passion I have put into my life are what have made it what I have today.  It's not because everyone else told me I could, it's BECAUSE I COULD DO IT ALL ALONG.
I'm brave.

29th Birthday Affirmations

It's time for a birthday post.  It's something I think I've done on various blogs since I was in high school, always a little different in format.  I think that this year, the last one in my twenties, needs to start off on an optimistic note.  Carpe diem!

I'm terrible at accepting compliments.  I blush easily.  I'm a loudmouth chatterbox who is painfully self-conscious.  So a few months ago during a women's leadership course, discovering that I was unable to graciously accept compliments without looking at the ground and being self-deprecating, the instructor forced me to stand, make eye contact, and thank everyone in the room as they paid me compliments.  DAMN.  It was awful and awesome, because I realized that I don't take enough time being positive towards *myself*. So today, I'm making this post about 29th Birthday Affirmations.  Inspired by one of my favorite viral videos of all time, Jessica's Daily Affirmation, I bring to you my own.  I was uncomfortable sharing this at first, until I realized it isn't bragging... it's just the truth.
Today, on my 29th birthday...  I like who I am.  I like where I am in my career, where I live, and who I'm with.  I like the strong bonds of family and friendship that I have in my life.  I like that I live comfortably, and that I have a wonderful man and two cats who love on me every day.  I like that I went to West Point and served in the military, because I'm proud of my accomplishments there.  I like that I pushed myself to make new friends in a new town, because they make me so happy.  I like that I'm pushing through grad school because my degree will be valuable to me.  I like that I make time for Daughters of the American Revolution and the American Legion, because they give me great bonds and fellowship.  I like my book club.  I like that I have nice things, which I have earned over time.  I like that I know I don't need those nice things to be happy.  I like that I have the privilege of enjoying good food.  I like that my skin isn't as bad as it used to be when I was younger.  I like that I know how to wear makeup now, for the most part.  I like that I'm working on getting in better shape, because I definitely like the results.  I like that I get to travel and experience so much in the world.  I like that I don't care anymore if other people think I'm weird.  I like that I can finally be who I want to be, no apologies, #sorrynotsorry. I like my whole life!!!
Except now that I'm in my last year of my twenties, I guess I have to really grow up and stuff.  Sigh.  Someone pass me the eye cream and some superfoods!

P.S.  I chopped off my hair to donate it again.  My head feels lighter, but shorter hair is totally more work.  Kicking off my last year in my 20s with something new!

Two points for honesty

Ah, life lately.  I haven't been great about prioritizing.  A bunch of things I said "yes" to a while back all came to a head recently.  FIVE straight nights and days of social commitments and work events, compounded now with a short-notice business trip and finals week for a class I haven't been so great at.  Don't get me wrong, I loved the time I spent with my friends and coworkers and participating in some amazing projects.  It made me realize how lucky I am to be living this exhaustingly great life.  Even though every morning I'm like this:

But in the end, it resulted in two days of me feeling pretty terrible.  I felt body aches, chills, congestion, and overall pain.  Like a full-blown flu, over a weekend.  I spent so much time trying to do it all, it landed me flat out on my back.  I'm happy it was over the weekend so I could recover, but unhappy I didn't accomplish everything I'd planned.

I feel like the biggest challenge has been to balance work plus grad school, then be intentional from there about what I can really take on.  For example, I've stepped back from a couple of volunteer gigs to focus on my favorite, DAR.  I've joined a fantastic book club full of badass babes, but we only meet once a month and the books are always easy reads.  I try to see my friends enough to stay close, and they're always informed enough to know I'm not blowing them off.  Dan and I spend more quality time just being at home, instead of going out.
Basically, I'm a hot mess, trying to get it under control.  I don't feel like being busy is an excuse, because it's really just about prioritizing better.  I want to sew more, write more, read more, travel more, but it's just not in the cards right now.  I'm getting by.

I'm just a little dead on my feet, and I *look* tired to boot.  Like eye bag city.  One of my coworkers, watching me leave work in a cocktail dress to head to volunteer at a charity gala, asked me, "How do you find the time?"  And I told her, "I don't have the time.  I'm failing.  But it'll get better."
It will get better.  Because I'm going to say no to more and yes to myself.

My Life in GIFs, Vol. 2

Time for another post of My Life in GIFs!  I'm really enjoying putting these together, because there are so many amazing things on the internet to choose from.

I'd like to call this one, "Things I'm Learning As an Adult" in Parks & Rec GIFs.

My metabolism doesn't work anymore, so I have to work out...

...and eat healthier so I don't get chubby.

Some people I thought were my friends are really not great people...

...and sometimes cats make better friends.

But my *true* friends are AWESOME, yo.

I can't drink like I used to...

...and my dancing is kind of old school.

I also spend too much time on my phone.

But I also kind of like being older and being unapologetic for just being ME.

30 Days of Thankful

I've been posting these a few at a time on my personal Facebook page, but decided that it would be worth sharing too.  After all, it's not happy people that are thankful, but thankful people that are happy!  Even though it's the 28th, I'm posting all thirty on Thanksgiving Day.

I am thankful for...

1. ...my wonderful partner who knows when I need a hug or tomato soup. Also knows when that tomato soup requires a breadbowl.
2. ...the wonderful ladies I met at the DAR Juniors Retreat this weekend, who reminded me of the importance of sisterhood.
3. ...the same-sex couples who broke down barriers in the past year to be married at our alma mater, West Point. So proud to KNOW these trailblazers! Love is love is love.
4. ...Weight Watchers and WW coworkers, which have helped me hit 10 lbs. lost this year from my highest. I had to find a belt today because my (fairly new) pants are falling down.
5. ...my awesome job.  Sure, it keeps me very busy, and sometimes it's very stressful... but it is a great place to work, a good living, and someplace I don't want to leave anytime soon.
6. ...Franklin, Tennessee.  I seriously love this town.  It's the first place I've lived as an adult that I feel is home, and I haven't even been here two years.
7. ...my parents.  My Mom sent me a note the other day, about how someone she knew just lost their newborn baby.  She told me how thankful she was to see us grow into adults... but I'm thankful that I've had my parents with me as I've grown.
8. ...Wolf Bear.  He is the devil and an angel in one, but it's so nice to have someone greet me at the door every day, get so excited just because I woke up, and be the best snuggle buddy!
9. ...cool weather so I can finally wear my favorite boots.  I'm beginning to think fall weather really is my absolute favorite.
10. ...my friends.  Whether long distance or local, I am proud to have such a diverse group of people to call my tribe.  It also makes me feel special to always have a full dance card when I can steal away from work/school.  I'm not the most naturally social person; my chatterbox nature is more of a nervous reflex.  I'm glad to have found people who understand that!
11. ...The 11th was Veterans Day, and it made me thankful for all those who served before me, with me, and will serve after me.  We alone know what we've been through.
12. ...blogging.  I know, dorky.  But the hour or so a week that I spend writing and maintaining my little corner of the Internet is cathartic and fun.  It's a nice escape and place to get my thoughts out.
13. ...my maids.  Seriously, I think I have to thank them every year, for cleaning my bathrooms and kitchen.  I just don't get to it, and those twice-monthly visits are the best days to come home from work because the apartment SPARKLES.
14. ...Honeycrisp apples.  They are my favorite part of fall, and I'm thankful these delicious miracles exist to help me eat healthier.
15. ...laughter.  The sound of it, the people who make me laugh, the things that make me laugh...  We all need to be glass half full and spend more time laughing in general.
16. ...Beer.  Because it makes Dan happy, pays the bills, and is a really fun industry to be a peripheral part of.  I have to admit, it's better than I thought it was. :)
17. ...my sister, who I take for granted and who apparently wanted to appear earlier in this list!  She may be far away, but she is an important part of my life.  I am thankful that we can both be so very different but come back to the same love of family.
18. ...my MBA classmates, who help answer my questions, support me, and make classes more engaging and fun.  I have two specific buddies from my case study group in August that help me a ton, and I really appreciate them!
19. ...Asheville, North Carolina.  Duke and I have been there together twice now, and between the Biltmore, craft beers/breweries, and amazing restaurants, it's our special getaway together.
20. ... Kaelah and Mike at Him & Honey Photo, good local friends who helped us take the photos that we ended up putting on our Christmas card!  It's so hard to get photos of us as a couple, and this couple uses real film to capture those moments.  Love it.
21. ...Minted, for once again helping us put together a holiday card that we love.  Their graphic designers actually helped edit the template to make it more fitting to us, and they are so responsive.
22. ...good health.  I just am, and rightly so.
23. ...Facebook, and I'm not embarrassed about it.  I love connecting and reconnecting with people, and even this imperfect social medium is a fantastic way to do it.
24. ...my friends who still serve in the military.  I'm happy my military time is over, but I still worry about the safety of my friends.
25. ...pumpkin pie.  Because it reminds me of Grandma.
26. ...growing up.  It's a privilege to grow older, never a given.  Each year that passes I feel a little bit closer to liking myself, and a little bit closer to understanding what drives me and where I want to be.
27. ...things.  Things are not important, but the more I see of the world, the more I realize I absolutely take for granted.  So I am thankful for the things that give me the comfortable life that I have.  Things like a car, air conditioning/heat, a refrigerator, electricity, even TV... because others go without so much.
28. ...Apple.  Because I'm an Apple addict, and their stuff just makes me happy and makes sense.  Thanks for a great user interface!
29. ...vacation days.  It's a luxury many don't get, and they keep me sane.
30. ...being closer to home.  It's the first time in a decade that I've been driving distance from my parents, and I try my best to take advantage of it.  Very excited to be home with them for this holiday.