Adulting after Baby

As I mentioned in my pumping post, I feel completely unqualified to give advice on motherhood, because I've been doing it for just a few months.  But I'm more than willing to share what I've been going through as I've transitioned back to work, navigated motherhood, and more!  #adulting #momlife

Daycare
I put down a deposit at a daycare center near our apartment when I was 15 weeks pregnant; I hadn't even told my boss yet!  Where we live, if you don't act quickly, you get waitlisted and sometimes have to move from one center to another.  Ever the planner, I scheduled multiple daycare tours the same day that I had an OB/GYN appointment in the middle of the day, and I took a day off work so I wouldn't feel rushed or guilty about stepping away.

What did I look for in a daycare?  Honestly, I just went with my gut, and I only toured places where my coworkers have enrolled their own kids.  Most spots in our area are priced similarly.  I looked for happy babies, cleanliness, convenience to our home, and overall feeling.  I instantly fell in love with our daycare; I actually got a little teary-eyed in one of the infant rooms because it looked so sweet, and that's the same room Kenny is in today!

Nannies, family, and a stay-at-home parent are all options for childcare when one parent works.  But since we're a dual-working household with no family in-state, daycare or a nanny were our options.  I am so pleased with our daycare, as I can see that Kenny is cared for, stimulated, and learning... in just a few weeks we could see his development in positive ways!

Need more toys...

Babysitters
We don't live near family, so having them around for childcare is not an option.  There are apps and websites you can subscribe to in order to find a babysitter, but for me it was super easy... word of mouth!  My coworker gave me the contact info for FOUR of her babysitters, and I was able to look them up on Facebook because they were her friends there.  Having a bona fide recommendation and being able to put a face to a name really helped.  I wanted to attend my DAR meeting on an evening that Dan was at a work event, so I hired a babysitter for three hours.  She was wonderful, and she had no issues getting Kenny down to sleep.  If she had questions, she texted me.

While we've only used a babysitter once so far, just knowing it's an option gives us a feeling of independence and levity.  It costs a pretty penny, but sometimes it's worth calling for help!

Travel without Baby
I went on my first overnight trip for work, and it was smooth sailing!  I gave Dan a couple of weeks advance notice, so he could adjust his work schedule to handle both daycare dropoff and pickup.  Kenny was great, and they seemed to enjoy some quality bonding time!  Dan even sent a photo of them twinning in matching shirts.  I FaceTimed with them before Kenny's bedtime, and Dan made sure to send me plenty of pictures.  Our daycare also sends photos throughout the day, so honestly I didn't go more than a couple of hours without seeing or hearing my sweet baby.

While I was away, I didn't fret or cry... I let myself be me.  I saw old friends, took a hot shower, watched HGTV, and slept like a baby in a king-sized hotel bed.  I took my time getting ready and walked around.  Recharging my batteries like that was perfect, and when I got home, my happy guys were there to greet me.

Picture sent during my work overnight trip

Road Trip with Baby
We had a smooth first road trip with Kenny, 4.5 hours each way.  We chose to depart around Kenny's bedtime, putting him in PJs and feeding him before we hit the road.  He slept the entire way, even when we stopped once for a bathroom break, then slept the rest of the night once we arrived.  My parents already had a pack 'n' play at their house ready for him.  They also had toys and an activity mat (we'd received a second one as a gift) ready to go.  Mom has also picked up items at garage sales, like storage drawers for toys and a booster, so we have less to haul!

On both drives, one of us sat in the backseat in case Kenny woke up.  We had toys and other things ready for him, and on the return trip (which was in the daytime) we also had a bottle prepped so we could feed him while he was buckled in his seat.  We chose to leave when we saw Kenny getting sleepy after eating, and it worked; he woke up about 45 minutes from home.  So we stopped and fed him, and I kept him entertained.  It was smooth sailing, though I know it might be different once he is older and awake more!

Waking up to see Mommy

Friendship
I'm working on friendship.  I don't get to go to all of the happy hours and things I used to!  Mostly, text messages have been the best.  I tell my friends, leave me a message and I promise I'll text back, even if it's at 4am.  And that has sustained me thus far.  I do see my friends at work and DAR events, and even on maternity leave I'd tote Kenny along and meet for lunches.  I just can't do things at the drop of a hat anymore, and I've had to come to accept that.

Love
I think that Dan and I talk more now than ever, because sharing childcare responsibilities requires it!  I love that I don't have to ask him to do things.  If I'm playing with Kenny, he'll wash bottles for the next day.  If he's taking out the trash, he always checks the diaper pail.  We don't really have assignments for who does what, but it works... we ask one another what needs to get done, what Kenny needs for daycare the next day, whether his laundry needs done.  And since Kenny goes to sleep around 7-8pm, we can usually manage to stay awake at least an hour to talk to one another about our day or just stare at our adorable baby.

We try to do little things for one another.  Dan made sure my first Mother's Day was sweet.  And when I had a business lunch near Dan's work, I popped in and sat with him while he ate his lunch.  It was like 10 minutes, but it was 1-on-1 time and a nice surprise for him.

We also take advantage of our monthly visits with my parents, either when they come to us or when we go to them!  They always push us out the door for a date night, which is usually a nice sit-down dinner and a drink.  We've managed to have a date night once a month ever since Kenny was born, and it's something we intend to continue!  I used to worry about our marital happiness when it came to having a baby, because honestly children aren't always great for marriage (read the statistics!).  But we're really happy right now, and that makes it all easier.

This photo is unrelated to my content.  It's extraneous.

Self-Care
The thing that has helped the most in our daily routine?  Our daycare opens at 6:30am, which is about the time that Dan leaves home for work.  Initially I hesitated to have Dan drop Kenny off, because if I did it, Kenny would have an extra 60-90 minutes at home with me before my commute.  But then I realized, if Dan drops Kenny off, I have time in the morning to make myself breakfast, clean the house, get ready, even work out (once I get back on that horse).  My coworker, mother of four boys, told me, "Don't feel guilty about not getting that extra hour with him; all he was going to do was sit in a bouncer watching you get ready in the morning!"  And she's right.  Guilt absolved!

By having Dan drop Kenny off, and me picking him up, it not only allows us both a chance to interact with his daycare providers, but a chance for me to take care of myself and our home so there isn't as much to do in the evening.  I don't feel like a hot mess at work, and I have more energy for Kenny when I get him at the end of the day, because I've already done dishes, vacuumed, or whatever.  I can also really take my time getting Kenny ready in the morning while Dan gets ready, because I'm relaxed in my pajamas and focused solely on him.

Emotions
I honestly didn't have very much trouble taking Kenny to daycare, leaving him with a sitter, even going away for an overnight.  I didn't cry, but I did miss him.  The hardest part about going back to work was getting used to staring at a computer screen all day and feeling tired after using my brain all day!  I felt like I got a personal boost once I had help with Kenny's childcare, because suddenly I had more freedom to grab lunch, go shopping, run errands, cook, clean, etc. in my spare moments.  It also makes me feel more motivated to do things with him on the weekends.  I do think it helped that I put Kenny in daycare on a Monday, but started work on that Thursday.  It gave me a few days to pick him up early if I wanted/get prepared for work.  It also meant I only had to survive two days in the office before a weekend break.  I highly recommend it!

Final Thoughts

My sister called me the other day, simply to tell me she was proud of me for the mother I've become.  I think she really expected me to be full-on obsessive and rigid as a parent, because I've always been such a planned and calculated person.  But she said she can tell Kenny is thriving, and that we're doing well with him.  It felt like the best thing I could have heard at that moment in time.  I know that babies can internalize how we are feeling, and even sense when we enter the room.  And I want positive energy only for Kenny, because he's going to battle sickness, teething, growth spurts, and more.  Adulting is hard, and parenting makes it harder.  But we're finding our groove and keeping on!

Back to Work: Pumping after Maternity Leave

I have been back to work (with Kenny in daycare) for nearly a month now, which is hard to believe!  Since I've had a few people ask me about pumping as a working mother, I figured it merited a blog post.  Caveat: I'm a first-time Mom who feels completely unqualified to offer advice to anyone on motherhood, but I am willing to share what has worked for me!

I'm very much of the attitude that a fed, healthy baby is the most important thing, so I keep formula samples that we get in the mail just in case.  We used two bottles' worth while I was hospitalized for preeclampsia, but other than that Kenny has been exclusively breastfed.  My original goal was nursing for three months, with a hopeful goal of six months.

Before Kenny was born, I ordered a free breastpump via my health insurance.  I chose the Spectra S2, a closed system pump, based on reviews and recommendations.  During maternity leave, I would mostly use a silicone hand pump on my nightstand to relieve engorgement.  Any milk that I saved, we'd use in an occasional bottle for Kenny when we were out and about.  We figured it was good practice for him.  As work began to approach, I would try to do a morning and evening pumping session to build up a stash for daycare ahead of going back to work.

My pumps, my pumps my pumps my pumps... check it out

Before I went back to work, my Mom and I helped Kenny "rehearse" for daycare by bottle feeding during the day for four days.  This accomplished two goals: training him to accept the bottle repeatedly and determining how much he eats.  The tough part of nursing on demand means you aren't on a consistent schedule or counting ounces like they do at daycare.  But we were able to estimate what I needed to pump and have in each bottle based on those few days!

Now that I've been back at work for a few weeks, I'm averaging 3-4 pumping sessions during the work day.  Sometimes my first session is at home before I leave.  I find I really need to maximize that first session, because my supply is best in the morning.

I also bought a barely used Spectra S1 rechargeable pump via Facebook Marketplace, because keeping one pump at work and one at home for home/travel minimizes the amount of stuff I have to haul on my commute.  Since Spectras are closed system, I feel confident that there isn't a risk of contamination after sterilizing the parts, but you should be careful when purchasing used pumps.

Tips for Business Travel

My work travel schedule this month is insane!  It's always overnight and out of state...  and May is filling up too.  It definitely isn't as glamorous as I'd once imagined, but I get to see more of the U.S., stay in nice hotels, and eat a LOT of good food at business meals.

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I'm learning tricks of the trade along the way.  Here are a few that I live by; let me know if you have some of your own!

While Packing...

• Pick a color scheme.  I choose outfits that go with brown *or* black shoes, never a combination of both!  Most work trips, I pack a single pair of shoes, maybe with some backup flats in the same color if I'm going for power heels.
• I pack one outfit per day, plus one extra "top" outfit that goes with something else in the bag.  Overpacking is a rookie mistake.
• If you're packing a suit in your suitcase, lay that in first (the garment bag will hang over the sides) and fill the rest of your bag.  Then fold those overhanging flaps over.  It minimizes the folds in your clothes so the suit won't wrinkle as much!
• Dresses in general are the easiest.  Ponte knits are awesome.  I often travel with ponte knit skirts and dresses because I know they won't wrinkle.  Plus, they're super comfy!  You can dress them up or down with a blazer, heels, flats, and accessories.

When Flying...

• Try to stick to one or two airlines, if possible.  Enroll in those mileage programs, and you'll be more likely to be upgraded to a higher preferred customer level.  (I'm a Delta/Southwest girl.)  With Delta, I now always get free checked bags and boarding with Zone 1; this means I never have to worry about fighting the crowds to find space in the overhead bins.
• Don't check a bag unless it's a long trip.  You don't want to end up giving a big presentation in your travel clothes!
• Make sure your laptop is easy access for security lines.  I also stick my "liquids" baggie in with my laptop so I can pull them both out quickly.

At the Hotel...

• Ask for a room above the 2nd floor.  That way if the hotel has a lounge/bar, you will be high enough not to hear the noise from down below.
• Tell the front desk to put a "Do Not Disturb" on your phone.
• As a woman traveling alone, be extra vigilant.  I always stay alert (not texting/on my phone!) when walking to and from my car and entering the hotel and elevator.  When I enter my hotel room, I look around 360-degrees to see who sees me enter the room.  I make eye contact with them, so they know I am aware of them.  Plus, I could pick out any would-be bad dudes in a lineup.

For Your Sanity & Health...

• Pack snacks.  It'll keep you from turning to fast food joints, and help your energy.
• Take your vitamins.  I get sick more often now that I travel for business.  I try to take extra Vitamin C when I feel something coming on.
• Pack a "first aid" kit.  In my work bag, I keep motions sickness pills, Pepto Bismol, headache medicine, and even cold/flu meds... just in case.  Also, GUM!
• Get some rest.  When you travel for work, it feels like you're never "off the clock", even after hours.  You spend your hotel nights working on presentations and catching up on e-mail.  At some point, cut yourself off at a decent hour and zone out with some brainless TV or a beach read.  Get some sleep and recuperate.
• If you have some free time, look up interesting things to do in your area!  I love visiting area museums, shopping hubs, and local restaurants.

Do you have any travel tips for work?

New Job :)

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I'm really, really enjoying my new life here in Tennessee.  I can't even begin to describe it.

I love my new apartment.  The decor is starting to come together, with some sort of consistency.  It's the perfect size for me, a great complex with convenient amenities, and an unbeatable location close to work, shopping, downtown Franklin, and not too far from Nashville.  Plus, my old feline buddy Cally is here now.  :)

I love this town.  There's plenty to do in the area, more restaurants than I could ever visit, better shopping than I'm used to, and just so many options.  Tonight I met my friend VB for dinner at BrickTop's; I think we'll be having post-dinner meals together fairly frequently!  :)

As for the job?  I love working in consumer goods.  My job is within the marketing & sales realm, and it couldn't be a better fit for me.  I just hope I do it well!!!  While it was an adjustment having to decide what to wear to work every day, it's been so exciting just to show up.  The day just flies by, in the best way.  Since everything is so new, it's like drinking from a fire hose... but I feel like a real career woman for the first time in my life.  It's learning a new language, but every time I get it right, I feel so good.  And I can't say enough good things about the people I work with; I've even met a few alumni from my college that are looking out for me, on top of the great team I'm assigned to.

I really see an opportunity to grow as a professional as a person where I am right now.

Obviously, since I care so much about my career, you won't be seeing much of it here on the blog... in fact, unless we're Facebook/LinkedIn friends (i.e. real-life friends) you won't even know where I work, even if you follow me on Twitter and Instagram.  I just think it's better that way.

P.S.  If I had to depict how I feel right now, this would be it:

Happy days are here to stay!

Forget your troubles, come on get happy!

http://www.five-words.com.au via Pinterest

I am on Cloud 9.  I recently completed my military service, and went on dozens of interviews for different jobs around the country.  I'm just so thrilled at the different prospects out there for me, and that people WANT me!  It's insane to me... my self-esteem is through the roof.

I had a great, albeit short (5 years!), military career.  I accomplished all of my goals, I deployed to Iraq twice, and I made true, lifelong friends.  That's not too hard when you have to trust others with your life, right?  :)   I really thought my last day in uniform would be bittersweet, but it was truly only sweet.  I have no regrets about serving; the leadership opportunities have brought me the career opportunities before me today.  I also had a chance to be one of the <1% of Americans who have been in the Armed Forces, just like my father and grandfathers.

I just wouldn't be the person I am today without my experiences.  And I can't remember the last time I was so happy.  You know how I declared 2012 would be my year?  IT IS.  2010 and 2011 just weren't.  They may have been the worst.

But this is bliss.  This is amazing.  This is everything good coming back into my life.  I feel happy.

Moving.... to Franklin, Tennessee!

You heard me, I'm moving to Tennessee!

I'm so excited.  Not only is Franklin an amazing town, but it's close to Nashville (MUSIC CITY!) and one of my closest gal pals, VB!  I'm thrilled to be making a career change and having such a great opportunity to meet a new city.  Seriously, there is so much to do, so many great restaurants and stores, and I've landed a great job to boot.

I am already checking out the amazing concerts and events in Nashville, as well as planning to visit places like Carnton Plantation.

A little more about Franklin:

• 2010 Most Romantic Main Street-National Trust for Historic Preservation
• 2009 Distinctive Destination-National Trust for Historic Preservation
• Money Magazine's Top 10 Places to Retire
• Money Magazine's Top 100 Best Places to Live (only City in Tennessee to make list)
• Tree City USA 
• Great American Main Street Award 
• Preserve America Community 
• Number One Small Town in Tennessee

Money Matters @Mint... I'm obsessed!

UPDATE (3.4.15):  I noticed this post getting a lot of traffic, and I wanted to leave a quick note.  The funny thing about this post is that while it reads like "sponsored" content, it was actually just me completely fangirling over Mint on my own accord... and now, almost three years later, I am STILL using Mint to manage my finances.  I can see my 401K and investment growth, my MBA student loans, my new car loan, all of my accounts, and more.  When I get married, I will add my husband's account info here to manage the combined family budgets and bills.  I'm still obsessed... and I've converted others.  You need to try it!

I am officially obsessed with Mint.  If you are a money-conscious diva (or dude), this website/app will put you over the moon!  Seriously, it's amazing.

Before Mint, I tracked my budget on an Excel spreadsheet (i.e. only on my personal laptop) and looked at my mortgage, credit card, and investments on different websites.  I also used web/phone apps to keep tabs on my checking account.  That's a lot of different sources, right?

Over 7 MILLION people use Mint to keep tabs on their finances.  It allows you to add ALL of those accounts to one central location, completely protected (Verisign, McAfee, and Truste certified!) and honored with praise from the NY Times, Money, and more.  They guarantee bank-level security.

I'm in love.  I have everything at my password-protected fingertips, so I don't have to remember a ton of different account numbers when I'm on the go.  I can figure out strategies to invest, manage/track my budget, and even set up alerts to text message me when my balance is low or a large purchase is made.

It's the perfect tool, and it's FREE.  I love that I can see my cash, investments, and bills all in one place, with awesome graphs and even advice.  Check it out!  You may be seeing WAY more green in your future, because you're more conscious of where your money is at all times.

Ramblings of the Loudmouthed Introvert

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I don't think most of the people in my life would call me an introvert.  To them I'm a social being, a chatterbox, a busybody.  But those who know me really well would disagree.  I know what you're thinking... "Aubrey is constantly on Facebook, Twitter, blogging, etc.   She's obviously an extrovert."  But social media isn't the same as true, confrontational socializing; social media is passive-aggressive.  You have more personal control over what you present online.  Observant friends might notice that my smiles and rambling are merely symptoms of nervousness, that my eyes dart rapidly in crowds because I feel overwhelmed, that I have trouble remembering names when I am introduced to too many people at once.

During my trip to Hawaii, my longtime friend CF and I had a long conversation about what it's like for introverts in society.  She'd posted an article entitled "10 Myths About Introverts" on her Facebook wall, which I felt was very accurate.  Being an introvert doesn't automatically make you shy or quiet, it just means you are comfortable in your own thoughts and like to connect with people one-on-one instead of larger crowds.  I like to have fun, but I'm not an adrenaline junkie.  In most social settings I find I can really connect with at least one person, but not many more.  I make social mistakes, and sometimes it costs me friendships, but mostly only superficial ones.  I like to spend weekends at home on my own, sewing, reading, cooking, etc.  I am very comfortable in solitude, in the quiet.  And I think most folks who fall into the nerd/geek category are introverts to a degree; we don't need other people (or their approval) as much, but we do like them.

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In the February 2012 issue of O Magazine, there is an article by Susan Cain, the author of QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which really interested me.  I read every single word and felt like she really knew who I was.  And I love that she highlighted the ways that non-introverts can learn from introverts.  There's a lot to be gained from deeper conversations instead of small talk, reading more, listening to others, and wielding "soft" power in the ability to reassure and make alliances.  I also related to what she said about working better alone; I don't like collaboration as much as the time to work on my own performance.  I do like being a member of a team, but I am more creative and productive when alone.

After reading these articles, I'm glad to know I'm not alone, no pun intended!  :)

The Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide (Part 1: Does it exist?)

With news stories about the "no-kids-allowed" movement spreading across the country as restaurants and even airlines discuss banning children from their services, I'm personally torn over how I should feel about it.  As a single, working woman with no plan for kids in sight, I admit I occasionally cringe when my Mommy friends post comments to their Facebook/Twitter/blogs about "poopies", from the delivery room about centimeters dilated, detailed breastfeeding stories, etc...  but I still value their experience and expertise and have learned an incredible amount from them about the art of parenting.  I love my friends' kids, and while I don't think all babies are as cute/perfect/amazing as their parents do, I appreciate them for the tiny humans that they are... even though sometimes those tiny humans act like jerks.

What bothers me most is not the kids, but what happens to the relationships between Mommy and Non-Mommy friends... how friends who used to enjoy a girls' night out together turn into complete strangers, even frenemies, as we navigate this invisible Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide.

It's hard not to see it as an 'us vs. them' as we all have to share the same planet.

I want kids someday, whether on my own or via adoption.  I love my financial freedom and going to movies/vacations/nice restaurants!  I'm not ready to give up my sleep to clean up another person's poo!  I want to live my single Sex & the City life, not Sesame Street.  But I LOVE kids.  I've spent so much on baby gifts for friends that I've apparently been put on mailing lists for baby magazines and formula samples.  I babysit for free for my friends (including changing diapers!), just to give them a few hours of respite or time with their spouse.  I have to stop myself from purchasing a trousseau of baby clothing because I love its adorableness.

So what's a a girl to do, as I navigate this touchy issue?

I reached out to over a dozen of my girlfriends, women from all walks of life, Mommies and Non-Mommies, to ask some questions about all of this madness... here are some of the responses, and what I gleaned from them.  I changed all names for the privacy of the ladies; these comments are meant to spark dialogue, not offend!  I got more responses than I could use, but I think it's a good representation of different people, responding honestly and openly about their feelings.

Part 1:  Does it exist?

Is there a Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide?  I think there is, or at least many of us perceive one.  Once you become a mother, you are a part of this collective of womanhood, the Mommy Club, bringing a new life into the world like countless before you.  It really is remarkable... but what happens if that isn't your ambition, or if you have friends who don't share in your love of mothering?  Should you be shunned/pitied by the Mommies, or abandon your Non-Mommy friends?  I do think there's a divide, because there is such heated debate over the issue of children on planes/in restaurants, openly breastfeeding, vaccinations, etc.  When the parenting comes into the public domain, that's when things heat up.