tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309605449854592458.post7273807265805663107..comments2023-12-23T04:23:52.110-06:00Comments on Always Aubrey: The Mommy vs. Non-Mommy Divide (Part 3: The Mommy/Non-Mommy Identity)Aubreyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18090860658064883118noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309605449854592458.post-41669103273150114032011-08-01T11:42:44.700-05:002011-08-01T11:42:44.700-05:00I believe the identity thing is all dependent on t...I believe the identity thing is all dependent on the person. I know lots of moms that make sure that they still have time and interests for themselves but I also know people that don't leave their house unless it is for a swim lesson or trip to the park. They don't talk about anything other than their child and everything they do completely revolves around that child. I know that your priorities change but there seems to be no personal anything in her life any more. <br /><br />On the no kids front, being an Army wife that does not want kids EVER, has made me sort of an outcast. When I meet new people, the questions are usually how long have you been in, how long have you been married and do you have kids. My answers are 4 years, 5 years and no. It's almost like you can see the red flag go up. and then the why don you and will you ever questions start coming. My mom has been one of the worst in the whole situation by trying to pressure me into having a child. People just can't seem to understand that my husband and I don't want any children and that it is our decision. It just hurts when I am put down for my choices but I know that is something we all deal with because no one ever agrees on everything.Battles on the Homefronthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02499861663602084284noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309605449854592458.post-17270341815550996902011-08-01T10:02:47.989-05:002011-08-01T10:02:47.989-05:00I think that for me, as a single working gal, some...I think that for me, as a single working gal, something that made a big impact on me was (I know, it's television...) Miranda's story on Sex & the City. Here you had a woman who is one of four single ladies, the steretypical 'career woman', whose life path is (for lack of a better term) derailed by an accidental pregnancy. To me, seeing how she grew as a person was absolutely poignant. Even as she married and began to care for her ailing mother-in-law, her hard outer shell really developed into a selfless, giving human being. Even Magda said she 'learned to love'.<br /><br />Now, I will say that there are women who work hard and can 'have it all' as mothers... but sometimes I think you can't have it all at once. I do think some of my Mommy friends could afford to be a bit more selfish, because I do feel they don't give themselves as much attention as they should. I don't think selfishness is a negative thing, unless it rolls over into narcissism. Selfishness to me, as I've learned through my divorce, is taking time for yourself to pursue your interests, take care of your body, and enlighten your mind. And you can do that with or without a baby.<br /><br />Still, I applaud couples who know they do not want to have children and have full, exciting lives living in a way some people fantasize about... because the last thing the world needs is unwanted children. Kudos to them for knowing what they want and going after it too.Aubreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18090860658064883118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309605449854592458.post-78812172962327780372011-08-01T09:29:54.483-05:002011-08-01T09:29:54.483-05:00Great post by women with definitive opinions...mos...Great post by women with definitive opinions...most seem to have valid points. However, the comment that mothers seem to lack a self-identity astounds me. I run, blog, garden, read, visit friends, and have other interests that I try to incorporate into my daily life. A mommy friend is training for a marathon. Another is actively involved in community theater. Yet another attends Crossfit every day and mountain climbs bcworking out is her thing. To make an overblown statement about most moms losing their identities is ludicrous. Perhaps it's that mommies have to balance their passions bc of our time constraints...and also because we don't think it being all about me, me, me 24/7 past a certain age is attractive or even tolerable.Carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02346868461336779822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6309605449854592458.post-6346811852441788002011-08-01T08:27:39.279-05:002011-08-01T08:27:39.279-05:00This is great series, Aubrey. As a brand new mom, ...This is great series, Aubrey. As a brand new mom, I'm still trying to figure the whole thing out. We got a lot of flack from our family for waiting 5 years, but I think it worked out perfectly (aside from my husband deploying 2 weeks after birth). Now we have enough disposable income to allow me to get everything I think I need for baby.<br /><br />I don't feel like I contribute less to society as "just" a mother because I no longer have a career. I also don't see myself as just a mom, either. I'm still a fitness instructor, grad student, wife, volunteer, FRG leader in addition to my new role. I think it's interesting that so many non-moms perceive that once you have a child, your life ends and you can only be a housewife/mother.kdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10211802985203537006noreply@blogger.com